This past year was the true beginning of making my living with authentic, responsible, values-centric food (like you’ve seen for years on this blog). I made my gluten-free sourdough bread recipe 5 days a week, continuously made bone broth, and served a rainbow of eaters; all while managing a start-up business. This time warp of condensed experiences urged me to learn and grow exponentially faster than I ever deemed possible. Faster still, I became wrapped up in a loving triangle of loyal customers, committed farmers, and purposeful food businesses. My heart is full of sincere gratitude as I think of the strong foundations my business has built this year. Yet, by all measures – physical, emotional, spiritual, financial – this has been one of the most trying years of my life. As I look back on the year, it is hard to reconcile – even some of my major professional victories – with the sacrifices I’ve made in my personal life.
During 2013 there were times when I entirely neglected myself and my household. I lost track of my personal life and put all of my resources into my business. I felt hollow – finding inspiration in anxiety and caffeine. In my exhaustion, my days began to bear less and less resemblance to the life I knew as my own. Eventually, I forgot a lesson I had already learned, perhaps once or twice (or more) before, that of Martha – that ‘only one thing is necessary’.
I forgot that when my priorities are right, everything else is able to fall into place. I began to be overly motivated to make people happy. And somewhere in the fog of living lop-sided, smiling faces daily morphed into the objects of my most primary service. And as much as this all sounds icky and horrible to me, written here on this page, I think that this is a really common trap, one that you might find yourself in – more or less – in this busy, demanding, exhilarating, and rewarding world. And, even if that’s not quite the case, I need to tell you about it, because this has been a lesson re-learned for me, and letting you in on it seems like the right thing to do.
At my core, I always know that service to all others is a function of my service to God and my love and care for myself. I just wasn’t sure how to fit it all in. I was trying to serve two masters. And truthfully, in my disregard for myself, I was actually not as helpful as I intended to be! If I don’t truly understand and practice self-care, then how can I truly understand how to best serve you and your family?
So, I have begun to reconnect with practices that have made it possible to pursue the work that I love dearly. I’m cooking for myself and my family, reading, praying, sleeping, and taking walks with my dog. When I work, I am hyper-focused; but I’m working less. I’m writing and teaching. I’m letting go of things that I love, but don’t ‘fit’ right now.
And while straightening out this less-lop-sided life I’d love your support and encouragement! I’d also love to never disappoint you, but in truth I know I won’t be able to accommodate everyone. This endeavor to create a truly sustainable, truly kind, truly responsible business is in-progress. And I truly believe this is the work I’m called to do, and that folks will overwhelmingly support the business as it is shaped into a truly ethical service to the community.
The kitchen website is located here if you’d like to stay up to date with our current offerings and developments.